REVIEW: The Phallus in Nature by Augusta Reilly

JayneA- Reviews / Book Reviews / Recommended Readsabsurdist / Contemporary / family relationships / Photographer / Utah4 Comments

Welcome to Moab, Utah. Home to two national parks, nine varieties of scorpions, and over three hundred search and rescue missions a year, Moab is more than just a great place to suffer a death that will become family folklore – it’s the perfect setting for the tragicomedy that is Matthew Gorman’s life.

Matthew thought his plan was foolproof: use his meager inheritance to build a ‘tiny’ duplex in Moab’s desert outskirts, live and study on one side, rent out the other to tourists, then sit back and watch the money roll in. But when Moab’s oppressive summer heat kicks in, his lodgers – and his fiancé – abandon him for cooler climes. Broke and friendless, he rents out the right half of the duplex to Piper Lawless, the happy-go-lucky author of the bestselling photo collection of all time, The Phallus in Nature.

With the pathologically friendly penis aficionada now an inextricable part of his existence, Matthew’s life becomes entangled with those of his eccentric Tinytown neighbors, including Mormon-turned-hippie, Mahatma Randy, and seven-foot-tall Bruno Axworthy, the reptile dealer who falls madly in love with Piper and imagines Matthew to be his romantic rival. Meanwhile, across the country, Piper’s conservative parents and pretentious brother are having problems of their own – problems that can only be solved by dipping into Piper’s deep pockets. Unbeknownst to Piper – and each other – they are all headed to Moab for a disastrous family reunion. Will Piper and Matthew ever find a way to navigate the never-ending sideshow of neighbors and family that is taking over their lives?

Dear Ms. Reilly, 

As if I could ignore a book with a title like this! Yes, I had to read the blurb and it sounded so wacky that naturally I needed to ask to read it and then began laughing almost as soon as I started to read it. As promised in other reviews of it I read, there was laughing out loud and not just almost silent chuckles. My cats were startled a time or two. That’s when I know I’m really enjoying something.

The word ‘mortgage’ is an intriguing one. Derived from the Latin roots mort for ‘death’ and gage for ‘pledge,’ this deliberately vague term was coined by a coalition of American bankers and realtors in 1947 when they realized their original slogan, You’re Going to Die Owing Us Money! wasn’t as good for business as they hoped it would be. Matthew strongly believes that if more homebuyers knew this etymological backstory, they would think twice before they signed their names on the dotted line.

Yeah so there’s not much I really need to add to the blurb. If it doesn’t lure readers in then I don’t know what will. Oh, right that’s what my review is supposed to help do. Okay, on to that then. This is what I’ve now seen called “absurdist fiction.” I need to look for more of this. It’s realistic but also, yes, slightly absurd. Coen Brothers absurd. It’s got tiny houses, a desperate search for AC, an author who has made a fortune taking pictures of phallic looking things in nature, a linguist whose attempt to break loose from his standard PhD earning life has now landed him in the shit, some bizarre but fun neighbors, and an Irish-Episcopal (giant hairy) scorpion named Jeff. No, I’m not making up the heroine’s subject choice of photos.

In the colloquial, conversely, ‘motherfucker’ is highly flexible. With meanings spanning the range from ‘you’re kind of a dick’ to ‘I have concrete plans to murder you,’ it is widely considered to be the aloha of New Jersey. While in and of itself it has no implications of physical violence, it is nonetheless advisable that one take heed when it is used by a seven-foot-tall, one-eyed psycho who believes you are trying to steal his imaginary girlfriend.

The story flows through heights and depths of absurdity and yet also feels totally natural. Except maybe the incident with the mailman and the weed. 

“So then what’s the problem?”

“The problem is that the mailman found the weed in the mail,” Piper says. “When there’s a postal crime, he’s required to report it to the postal police.”

“Postal police?” Matthew says. “That’s a thing?”

Or the full on emergency response to the tiny house after Piper’s brother screams when he meets Jeff and the responding sheriffs also scream when they meet Jeff and things get slightly out of hand. People who were born and raised in states between Virginia and Utah (except for Colorado which gets a pass) along I-80 might get a touch irritated at how Piper’s asshole brother views the natives and their bumper stickers, too. But Andrew is pretty much a jerk for most of the book except when he and older brother Thomas are hacking into their parent’s online accounts. It’s for a good cause, trust me.

Andrew has never wondered what it would be like to have a long-distance call with an only slightly corrupt naked sheriff while his sister retrieves a fresh towel from the local cannibal, but he wishes he had. It might have prepared him emotionally for when this exact moment inevitably came to pass.

Romance? Oh, yes there’s a good one that slowly develops as Matthew realizes that Piper being in his life (and everyone else’s life in Moab) is what makes things special now. Sure Piper sings and dances at 6am like no one is watching or listening but her genuine excitement about life and people and photographs and animals is infectious. Her joy in doing good for those she loves and even for people she doesn’t know well is a gift to the world. And when it counts, Matthew finds the right words to let her know how much she means to him. I’d take a look at the project they map out but I’d also like to know which one of them ends up as Martha and who gets to be Snoop.   

No one sings when you’re not here.

Randy’s simple observation is an accidental metaphor for Piper’s presence in Matthew’s life. Or more accurately, her looming absence from it. It’s hard to believe it’s been less than two months since she burst into Tinytown with her cowboy hat, pink scrunch shirt, and first I’m so excited! So much has happened since then. And so little happened before. Living with Piper has been many things, but boring is not one of them.

Piper, I think, is going to be a heroine you love or hate. Some readers might think she’s just too special and wonderful but to me she is like a Golden Retriever Puppy who exudes love and friendship to all. Actually my next door neighbor reminds me of Piper as she’s always smiling, always happy to see you, always willing to help so yes, people like this do exist. This book makes me laugh and makes me smile. It’s got enough grit – and swear words – to balance the sweet. I had a blast reading it. A- 

~Jayne

I ended up bookmarking far more quotes than I can fit into the review so I’m just gonna tack a few on at the end.

  

A freelance pharmacist, a reptile dealer, and a penis peddler walk into a bar. They are accompanied by a linguist, who feels like the correct answer to a One of These Things is Not Like the Others quiz on Sesame Street.

Matthew’s day has been interesting in a Chinese proverb sort of way, and he has several questions he would like to ask of the God he doesn’t believe in. Not the least of which is What the hell did I ever do to you? Following closely behind is Aren’t there any rapists or serial killers out there you could focusing on? And last but not least is the always nagging So how exactly were you keeping yourself entertained before creation?

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